End of School Year

As the school year comes to an end, it is not bittersweet this year, rather it is simply heartbreaking. After nine years, I have faced a reduction in force lay off, based solely on seniority. If I could have one wish, it would be to know the future. The empty pit in my stomach throbs and my heart drips with sadness. Uncertainty festers in my throat, making it hurt to let a breath out. Loss hurts more than blame or shame. Anger revisits when crying gets to exhausting............Because it is an isolating experience and one that nobody can prepare for or understand until it blindsides them and infects them with this trauma, it is a tough challenge to face. I know there are so many people, and so many educators who have gone through this experience, and it is unfortunate there is not a better network for people to express their feelings, and to share strategies with one another. With that being said, I am beyond sick of the great people who mean well and tell me, "Oh, you are going to get something great, do not worry." Really? I am going to get a job that I love so much that I can't believe I am getting paid to do? A new job that I am at the top of my game in and making a difference in the lives of so many kids? A job that makes me feel important? A job that found me because it was my destiny? A job that gave my husband and I health insurance?  Well, some how, I am digging really really deep and putting it all out there...maybe those great people trying to cheer me up are right? That being safe makes people complacent and content. "That BIG things are in my future" and "That everything happens for a reason." I hope they are right. The stakes are high. Stay tuned...